Sunday, January 25, 2009

You said everything will be fine... (re-post from REFLECTIONS)

You said that once this is all over… everything will be fine. Everything will go on as we wanted them to be.

No more worries, no more pains, no anxieties… just plain bliss. But then… it isn’t really exactly what we thought it would be.

Yes maybe, it’s a little more quiet here… perhaps too quiet. And there’s a little less stress. But silence doesn’t necessarily mean peace, and the absence of stress doesn’t mean there’s calmness in my heart.

Barely a month since you’ve been gone, honestly I actually thought that it will be just fine. That I’ll be able to go on, take care of the children, continue to achieve all our dreams that we never seem to realize and eventually make you be proud of me.

I was wrong!

Aside from a poem and this lousy essay – I haven’t really accomplished anything!

I know that now, there’s nothing stopping me to fulfill all our dreams, for the children’s sake. But while there’s nothing stopping me – there’s really nothing and no one pushing me either!

It’s just not the same with you gone! I’ve never been so lost and confused.

You won’t be back, that’s a fact.

But realizing that fact is not helping a bit. I know I have to move on, I know I have to do something, but I just can’t.

I thought I can.

For a couple a days I was fine, taking care of the children, trying so damn hard to fill the emptiness.

It didn’t actually take long for reality to sink in – YOU’RE GONE AND NEVER TO RETURN AGAIN.

No, I’m not blaming you or anything, I understand that you really need to rest. You have done so much for us, we can’t ask for anything more.

Remember when you told me that you were only being a burden to us because you really can’t do anything? Do you remember what my reply to you was?

“Your being here with us… here for us… is already enough.”

There is no better time to prove the truth in that statement than now.

With you being gone, no matter how hard we try to accept it, is just not the same.

NOTHING AND NO ONE can fill the empty space that you left us.


Maybe that’s all I really wanted to say…

I thought I was prepared for this…

even if we have really accepted long before that it will eventually come to this…

even if I accepted the fact that this is the best for you…

it’s really not just the same now that it has come to be.

Soon maybe, things will be fine.

But right now, I’m sorry Mama… it is not.

March 12, 2008
7:58 PM

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Real life

There's less than three minutes left in the game, we are down by two points. Only one three-point bomber will win us the game. I know I can do it, I'm up to the challenge! I can take the pressure!

If only I could have the ball. One shot is all I need.

The clock is ticking! The game is winding down! One shot! I got to take it!

If only I could have the chance! Ten seconds left!

Still no shot!

Five... four... three... two... one!

It's all over!

We lose by a shot.

I saw it all.

From start to finish... from the bench.

Maybe, I watched too much of Mighty Ducks, Karate Kid, Race the sun, and other underdog movies, wherein the most underrated, the most unlikely person - the underdog, suddenly rises to the occasion, perform a huge, almost impossible task, and come-out as a hero.

How many times have I dreamed of that? To be the main man! The real deal!

Then suddenly, it snaps!

I'm back to reality!

The bitter reality! Where I am a nobody!

Well, I'm not really a loser. But honestly, I don't really feel anything near to that of a winner. I had my moments of glory, sure I do. But they are too insignificant! Nobody, even I, don't remember them.

I have experienced defeats. Lots of times! I mean most of the times. Falls, frustrations, rejections, humiliations, name it! I think I am the exact personification of the word loser.

Come to think of it, loser is not the word, FAILURE is the more appropriate term.

I failed those who believe in me. I even failed myself!

That's why I often retreat in my own created world. A world where I am never a failure. A world where I can do anything that I want. A world where everybody looks up to me, where people love me, where I am always a winner.

A do-it-all, Mr. Reliable, the one who always delivers, where my mere presence brings inspiration to all those around me.

A world where I am always safe and unharmed.

Please don't touch me. Don't shake me! DON'T WAKE ME UP!

I am about to be given a VICTORY RIDE!

(an old article I wrote way back in 2004... )

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Hollow Sympathy

Do I hear them calling?
Do I hear them crying?
In hunger... in pain...
I see them...
In the cold, crying
The aged and homeless,
street children roaming,
begging... pleading...
alms... anything to spare...
I can see them...
I can hear them...
I was touched,
seeing them, hearing them,
yet... I do nothing

December 5, 1989
5:20 PM
Angeles City

Saturday, January 3, 2009


I have been told a thousand times
That it is such a ridiculous thing
To fear of the things to come
Or things that might have been

But do they mean what they say?
Or do they understand?
What is it that bothers me
For them to speak with authority?

A man like me rarely speaks
Of the things that fill me with anxiety
Cause I know they're just nonsense
But do emotions know how to think?

But then again, I can hide
All those senseless fears inside
By doing so I keep my dignity
But I say not the same for my sanity.

October 4, 1991
10:00 AM
Angeles City

another old poem I wrote in my younger years......

Friday, January 2, 2009

Keen on finding a homebased business

With the coming of the new year and wanting to be an optimist this time (although I admit I would need to exert more effort on that), I am keen on finding a Home Based Business that can supplement the meager income I'm getting so far. I am looking for something which can be done passively and still earn for me a decent money.

In my search for more income on the internet, I am led to a site that might give the opportunity that I am looking for. That site is the Plug-In Profit Site. The testimonies on the site's homepage looks promising, although I have yet to explore on it.

And maybe I will.

The site has a lot of Home Business Ideas that can help me get that additional income I so badly needed. In this coming year, I am really keen on trying every opportunity I can lay my hands on. And since this site promotes affiliate marketing, among others, it can be a great source of passive income while I try to look more income opportunities.

So if you are like me who is on the lookout for these online opportunities, why don't you follow me at the site's URL at and together we can explore this money-making opportunity.