The lockdown effect

It's been a while, but I just had to vent out. I don't have nobody, no venue, and no place to go. I'm going crazy, to say the least. Then I remember this little corner of mine where nobody really goes to read anyway.

This lockdown has been very successful in magnifying all my anxieties, and for a multiple different reasons!

I am anxious if we will be ever to survive this virus and come out unscathed and alive. I'm anxious about my two sons who are trapped away from home because of the lockdown. I am anxious about my son who suddenly found himself unemployed, while away from home, because his company just dropped him in the midst of the pandemic. I'm anxious about our government who really does nothing but take advantage of the chaotic situation to cling to power. I am anxious about the noisy neighbors who doesn't seem to respect other people's need for a peaceful environment. I am anxious about my work because every time I make a mistake, I feel like I will be thrown out suddenly. I am anxious about my health. I am anxious about this. I am anxious about that. I am anxious about almost EVERYTHING!

And the nearest exit is always calling me.

You will never understand an introvert

Maybe you are my friend, but that does not mean I should be friends with your friends. It does not work that way. Never had, never will.

You do not understand? It’s okay. Nobody does.

Nobody understands an introvert. Some say they do, but they never did.

Being friend with an introvert does not give you the right and authority to introduce him to others and imposed that he should be comfortable with them too. Not only are you alienating him even more, but you are also endangering the current status of your friendship with him.

If at times we’re in a company of other people and you call me out for being too quiet and force me talk, or ridicule me for being uptight, you immediately become an asshole to me. No matter how I used to respect you before.

Never make me, and my personality, the punch line of your jokes.

You may think you are helping an introvert by encouraging him to meet other people. Guess what? You are not helping. Don’t make yourself an introvert-saviour, because we don’t need one. I don’t need saving.

And please, spare me all your positivity and optimism mantra. You don’t hear the voices I hear in my head, nor are you feeling all the emotions I feel within. Trust me - you have no idea.

I am okay with a small circle, the smaller the better. Even if that circle is gone, I can live with that. That is how it has been in the first place.

Do not try to understand, because you will never understand an introvert.

Nobody does.

Ace of Failure

I am smart. I am talented. I can do anything... anything, except succeed.

I don't know why but it seems that I am an ace of failure.

No, I am not trying to invite negative vibes like what some pundits are always trying to put it. I'm venting out here, for pizza's sake. Don't you guys know the meaning of respecting other people's feeling?

Okay, now where was I?

Oh yes, I'm nowhere, actually. This post will not go far, I'm sure you can sense that. I am just ranting, and even in ranting I am failing.

I know, someday it will get better. I've been reciting that mantra since... well, since time immemorial! Fooling myself that it will indeed get better someday.

I won't lie, I've seen better days and then clouds will come.

I don't know, maybe I am indeed inviting negative vibes.

I don't know.

I don't care.