Last night was painful. I had another bout with the flu. I was literally crying in pain because every joint in my body ached. And the softest wind brought me chills and even more pain.
It’s like I was not myself last night. It seemed I was talking nonsense, as I was crying in pain. But I knew I was calling out to my wife last night, calling on her to take care of me like she used to do. It was painful, all over. She was the only one I knew who can make me well.
Of course, I know that is impossible. Because no matter how hard I cry nor how loud I call, she won’t be coming back.
But what made it even more painful was that my son left the house to be with his friends, even if I asked him not to leave because I wasn’t feeling well. I’m not mad at him, I understand him… but it was painful, very painful.
As I was crying in pain, I can’t help but think if I’m such a bad father. I wanted my family to be intact. For my kids to look after each other when I’m gone. For them not to put anyone before their siblings. But it looked like I failed.
My son came home early, though. That I have to appreciate.
But last night was really painful… very, very painful.