Still asking those "why's"...

After a long time... here I am again. Still with the questions in my mind...

Why did she have to go?... Why did she have to suffer?... Why weren't we allowed to happy?... Why?... Why?... Why?!

I never thought I would have these episodes again... an anxiety so intense that I just don't want to move... I just stay in one place, staring on blank walls... and asking those why's.

This isn't healthy I know. And I can't entertain this because I have kids to take care of. But somehow, realizing that only adds up to my anxiety.

If only she was still here with me. She doesn't have to do anything! She just have to be here! Here where I can see her... where I can feel her... where I can talk to her. Just to be here with me... is that too much to ask?

Life isn't really fair.