Should I hope again?

Do I really like to see myself in pain?... I have submitted another resume.. another job application. This overqualified (read: over-age) individual seems to can't get enough of those cold stares and doubting looks.

This time, I got referral! I am supposed to meet the head of the accounting. A person known to my sister in Canada who called her here in the Philippines just to help me get a job. So I went as I was told, looked for her. On the letter, I followed my sister's instructions.

Unfortunately, the front desk where I was supposed to ask, directed me to another door. When I finally reached my sister's friend's office, she wasn't there. I was told to meet her, she was supposed to be expecting me. Instead, a man from HR met me, got my resume and told me that they will just evaluate it and will call me anytime within the week.

Yeah right! And I am Iron Man!

Still asking those "why's"...

After a long time... here I am again. Still with the questions in my mind...

Why did she have to go?... Why did she have to suffer?... Why weren't we allowed to happy?... Why?... Why?... Why?!

I never thought I would have these episodes again... an anxiety so intense that I just don't want to move... I just stay in one place, staring on blank walls... and asking those why's.

This isn't healthy I know. And I can't entertain this because I have kids to take care of. But somehow, realizing that only adds up to my anxiety.

If only she was still here with me. She doesn't have to do anything! She just have to be here! Here where I can see her... where I can feel her... where I can talk to her. Just to be here with me... is that too much to ask?

Life isn't really fair.

Perhaps, I spoke to soon...

I thought that was it! The light at the end of the tunnel! When finally a new hope has finally shined upon us. But, I should have known better. Like they always said "when something seems too good to be true... the fact is, it's probably is"

I was very optimistic after the interview week. I thought it was in the bag. My only apprehension then was leaving the kids. But, the whole week has passed and I didn't get a call. I don't know if I should still expect to be called. Like I said, it was too good to be true.

I guess I should look for more options now.