Envy is one feeling I really don’t entertain, if ever I do get it. I am never sour whenever great things happen to people I know, in fact I am happy for them.
But hard as it is to accept, there is one event that caused me to be envious about my blogging buddy Jan. Yes, I envy him. Not because he writes better and engaged more readers, I can live with that. I’m happy just be riding in his winds.
I envy Jan because he found his old friend… or rather, his friend found him, which makes it even more envious.
The last time I had correspondence with my friend was in 2005 I believe, if not earlier. After that, I never heard from her again… and I swear to God I made attempts to reach her… but she never replied.
I felt abandoned.
I tried to brush off the feeling, because I know she is not that kind of a friend.
She used to be there always… and I mean always. I don’t even have to call… I don’t even have to speak… she was the only friend who knew me.
“if I can’t understand my friend’s silence, how can I understand his words?”
That line was highlighted in the book that she gave me… true enough, she knows my pains even before I tell them… I don’t even have to say a word.
I can be crazy… I can loosen up and be a kid once again… she can see through the tough, non-smiling profile that nobody would even dare to be close to, and find the ticklish spot
But that was then…
When I was at my lowest… without a job and without a hope… she can’t be reached… she can’t be found.
I can only wish that she was reading this post now… I can only wish that it could reach her… but it’s just that… a wish…
I’m sure she have heared of my wife’s demise, she knew her condition… I thought she would show up… show sympathy at least… but she didn’t.
There could be a reason…. which honestly I don’t understand until now.
Yes, it was a long time since Jan’s post about his friend and I could have forgotten about it… but I was reminded again… when Jena asked, “should friendship be for life? “
Shouldn’t it be?
Don’t get me wrong, lest my friends now misinterpret me… your friendships are very much appreciated, but I’m sure you understand how it feels when you long for that special friend…
…the only friend who really knows the real me.