Episodes...

"Won't these ever stop coming?" I keep on asking myself. Why can't I continue just moving forward? Why do these episodes keep on coming back haunting me?

I know, I won't get the answers.

It's our wedding anniversary today... all throughout the day I was staring at the computer monitor. Thinking whether I would write another letter, or I would stand up, go to the kitchen and prepare something... or take the children out, perhaps to the mall to celebrate the occasion.

But sunset came and I haven't accomplished anything, I wasn't able to decide on doing anything. At a time, some tears managed to escape, I needed to wear shades so my kids won't notice it.

Then there's that ghost of pessimism again... the feeling of being a loser sinking in again... yes, these are what I call episodes.

Until when these will happen, I really don't know.

Honestly, I'm tired of these.

I thought I'm already over these... these episodes...