Blogging to live... even as I rant

I am not a lazy duck. And I am not being defensive.

It's not like blogging for a living was my choice... well, it is now.

If only we were not living in a discriminating society who disposes you as a useless piece of shit after excreting all your juices during the prime of your life.

It's not like I didn't make any attempts... I have so many times humbled myself. NO! Make that "humiliated myself" - with total disregard of my self worth, just to be able to be on somebody's pay list.

I also sought to be an architect of opportunity by attempting to create my own empire... only to be met by creatures like the fox and the cat who lured Pinocchio into burying his golden coin in the soil with a lie that it will multiply itself - only to be found missing the next day because the sly ones already took it.

With all dignity and resources gone... where does one turn to, especially when there seems to be no more reason to continue?

Am I blaming anybody? NO! I can only blame myself. I deserve what I get and all that came to me... even as I rant against it.

Upon inventory of whatever was left to me, at the bottom of my box, after discarding all the trash and loose papers - are words. They don't mean a thing and wouldn't really amount to anything.

But if I weave them together, perhaps I could find something.

It won't happen overnight, maybe not even in my lifetime. But it's something that I want to embrace... it's something that I can identify as me.

I am one stubborn piece of an asshole. I rant, yes, but I won't be thrown off my track.

It is what I want to do.

It is what I am.

Marathon blogging... is it worth it?

The other day, Tuesday, I turned on my PC at 6AM. As soon as the kids went to school and I'm done with the house chores, I sat right in front of my computers, checked some e-mails and searched for some stuffs online.

Then I went right away to writing. I was satisfied since I was able to make some post on my blogs and also submitted 2 or 3 articles to my "employer." I need to stand up at around 11AM though because I need to pick Angel from school.

After taking lunch, I sat again at around 1PM and went on with my usual stuff -- writing, reading, posting, submitting, etc. to stand up again at around 5PM to attend to something.

After dinner, I went back again in front of the computer. From 8PM, only stop at the wee hours of 2AM. I only stopped because I need to wake up at 4AM.

Of course, I wasn't always glued in front of the PC all those times as I also stand up occasionally to stretch, drink water, go to the bathroom or check on the kids. But that was it.

The next day (or should I say after a while), I started at 7AM and went on my routine just like the other day - blog, pick up Angel, lunch, blog, rest, dinner, blog... I was able to update most of my blogs.

Yes, I was doing marathon blogging... actually, I have been doing it for quite a while, but it was only now that I was able to take note of my time. I really don't want to... but I need to.

Don't get me wrong, I love blogging (isn't it obvious?), but I feel the need to be offline... but I can't... I'm racing against time.

I needed to raise money - no I don't earn from my blogs, but I feel that if I write as much, I would get as much writing opportunities too. I need to write as much "paid articles" too for my "employer," it's my "only" real income online, but they don't really amount to anything but a few bucks... and sometimes I think, "is this all worth it?"

And the fact that I may get disconnected anytime now makes me glued in front of the PC. I need to make hay while the sun shine, so to speak. I need to make the most of the opportunity while I still have my internet connection. You see, I am almost four months behind my account, and I won't be surprised if I get suspended again soon.

For all those troubles, what do I got? Aside from a flat ass (whose been on glued on the chair for eternity), a couple of bucks (for the paid articles) and updated blogs, I now have a blurry vision. I feel lucky I can still cross the street safely.

I also have finger cramps and pain on my wrists and some parts of the hands, which send me in paranoia as images of hands operated because of CTS flashed before my eyes.

And lastly, a confused perception of what real and what is virtual... dementia? I hope not.

Again I asked, "is it worth it?"

But then again... do I have a choice?

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The Struggling Blogger versus The Struggling Blogger dot Com

It's 8:03 PM, and Roy's blogs are all gathered together for their quarterly round table meeting. (I didn't know they were holding meetings - Roy) House of Puroy stood up from his chair and declared "We're already 3 minutes late for our meeting, as your presiding blog, I declare that we start with our meeting and not wait for Roysville anymore."

The blogs settled on their seats with the announcement. Present in the meeting are REFLECTIONS, Sugar Coated World (SCW), Money OnLine (MOL), Be Inspired Now! (BIN), The Struggling Blogger (TSB), Subukan Taya Ing Kapampangan (STIK), more than just copy-paste (MTCP), Letters To Mama (Letters), the 3 new blogs, Etsetera! Etsetera! (ETC), The Struggling Blogger dot Com (TSBdotCom), Roysville dot Com (RVdotCom), and of course, the presiding blog, House of Puroy.

After calling the roll, House of Puroy said "Okay guys, our main agenda for tonight's meeting is to officially welcome to our roster our 3 new brothers, Etsetera!, The Struggling Blogger dot Com, and Roysville dot Com."

Everybody gave the 3 blogs a big round of applause in approval... everybody, except...

"I don't get it!" said TSB, who could no longer hold his silence, as he stood up and slammed the table with his hands. All the other blogs were surprised by his action.

"Why on earth do Roy needed to create The Struggling Blogger dot Com?! Am I not good enough? Haven't I done AND DELIVERED of what was expected of me?" (I'm not hearing this - Roy), "Why?! Why?! Why?! can anybody explain it to me?"

He faced TSBdotCom and said "Do you really think you can replace me? Do you really believe you are better than me?"

"Hey! Loosen up!" replied TSBdotCom, "we're on the same side"

"Yes, why are you so cranky?" asked SCW, "that's my job!"

REFLECTIONS approached TSB and said "don't be so sensitive... it's not what you think. You're being too emotional." TSB looked at him and said, "look who's talking!"

BIN who was always a respected member because of his wisdom said "REFLECTIONS is right brother... it's not what you think. We're not here to compete with each other, it's not a question of who is the better blog and who's not..." he continued, "we are here to complement each other... to support each other. We all have our specific purpose, no blog is above the other."

"Why do you always have to be positive?:" replied TSB, he faced the group, "yes, BIN is right, we all have our specific purpose, and we're doing it perfectly. But I can't see how TSBdotCom's purpose is different from mine. Don't you think I have a reason to act like this?"

"Look brother," TSBdotCom tried to reason, "once again, we are on the same side. Yes, you are right, we may overlap on our purpose, but I don't think that's reason enough to hate me! I'm not here to compete or replace you, and I definitely don't mean to show that I'm the better blog and that..."

PAK!

TSBdotCom was not able to continue whatever he has to say because a quick right landed on his chin. The next thing he know, he was on the ground with his feet raised in the air.

He quickly picked himself up as he wiped the blood from his mouth... "I can see you've been writing too much of Pacquiao."

"And there's more where that came from!" TSB said.

"You know, just for that, I'll definitely show that I am indeed the better struggling blogger and you're nothing but a has been. I'm tired of all these bullying. I'm no pushover you know... I'll put you in your proper place!" TSBdotCom warned.

Undaunted, TSB whip back "that won't change a thing..." and in his best Cherrie Gil peformance, pointed at TSBdotCom and said "you're nothing but a second-grade, trying hard, copy-blog!"

But before he can throw his glass of soda, TSBdotCom beat him to the punch as he threw a bucketfull of water, who suddenly appeared from out of nowhere, at TSB which caused him to loose his balance.

All hell was about to break loose, when the two blogs, now already in fighting stance approached each other, when House of Puroy shouted "Hey! That's enough, cut it out!"

"Aren't you two ashamed of yourself?! And you call yourselves blogs! You don't know how to communicate!"

"Look," as he addressed TSB, "if Roy's intention was to replace you, he would have deleted you or already redirected you when he created TSBdotCom, and you'll be sent to kingdom come. But he didn't! Because he knows and realizes you contributions, and he believes you can do more. If he thinks there should be two struggling bloggers, we should support him. Let's trust Roy on this one, shall we?" (that's my boy! - Roy)

"And you!" he pointed at TSBdotCom, "you maybe a dot com, with beautiful theme, a comfortable web host and all, but that doesn't mean you can throw your weight around here. You're still the new guy you know. You better behave yourself!"

"Now, why don't you two shake hands and end all this nonsense"

"I'm sorry bro," TSB said, "I'm sorry too bro" replied TSBdotCom, as they shook hands and hug each other. Everybody clap their hands and were so happy that it's all over.

Roysville dot Com, who was silent all throughout the proceedings, breathed a heavy sigh of relief and blurted out "Oh boy! I sure am glad that Roysville is not here toni---"

BLAG!

The door suddenly swung open, and everybody looked towards the direction of the door and saw, standing there was... Roysville who looked straight at Roysville dot Com as he spoke, "you were saying?"

House of Puroy put his hand on top of his head and said, "Oh brother! not another one..."

To be continued?
(I don't think so! - Roy)