Friday, May 9, 2008

I can't believe I just turned 40!

I can't believe I just turned 40! Not because I don't want to, but because I don't have anything solid to back-up that 4 decades of existence! What have I done? Have I been sleeping all these years? What proof have I got to show that I did something in those 40 loooong years?

If only I turned 40 earlier, I could have something to brag about... I had a decent job, a house in my name, a loving wife and 3 lovely kids, with friends surrounding me everywhere! But now, at a time that I have to be 40... I am without a house of my own, and more often than not I am delayed in the payment of my rent, causing an irate landlady to almost evict us from her apartment. My wife has already given up in her fight with ESRD and I am partly to blame because I can't sustain all her medications. My 3 kids alternately got sick because I don't know how to take care of them! And my friends? Did I say I have friends? My bad... I'm not really the friendly type, that's why... maybe I drove them all away.

They say life begins at 40... what?! You mean I'm just starting out?! I'll be damned! Does it mean that there are more to come? What then is to become of me? of my kids? If I would have my way, this would all be easy... it could end it all right here, right now! Unfortunately, it's not that simple, that would be too much of a selfishness. I have to consider the kids, whom I promised my wife to take care of.

So, after 40 years that ended in nothing... will there be more nothings to expect in the coming years?

I'll be damned!

1 comment:

LadyBanana said...

Hopefully things will get better, no condition is permanent!