LOSER!

LOSER! Yeah! That's how I feel right now... have always been, and from the looks of it, always will be.

Maybe you're thinking, "There he goes again fishing for sympathy!" just like that what jackass from the past always thinks.

Maybe he's right! Maybe you are right! I am indeed fishing for sympathy!

Actually, I thrived! I existed on sympathy! That's why I was able to accomplished something in the past... people took pity, and that is why they made it all too easy for me.

But left on my own, I cannot really do anything... REALITY BITES!

Go ahead, shout it to my face! I know what I am... a man with nothing but visions and illusions!

I walk around with a BIG "L" printed on my forehead!

That's who I was... who I am... and who I will be.

Damn Grim Reaper!

Damn Grim Reaper!
Sleeping on the job!
How many times have I called you?
And yet you come not
Are you deaf or are you lame?
You’re really such a shame!

Remember when I begged you
When I was still so young?
Seeking eternal rest
Cause anxiety abound
Yet you seemed so preoccupied
And you just turned a blind eye

Just recently I called again
One ordinary night
Snatch me while I sleep
Let me not see the light
But your indifference I’ve seen again
Why won’t you relieve me from my pain?

Can’t you just let a reckless maniac
run over me on the street?
Or could an innocent poison be
mixed in the food I eat?
I really do not care how
But let it be instant
Granting that you really know
How to do your job

But you I guess you’re really unreliable
You cannot do a simple task
If only I were your employer
I will surely kick your lousy ass!

----------------------------------------------------
Roy
October 29, 2010
7:31 pm
Angeles City
Philippines

I forgot how it feels...

"How does it feel when a girl next to you says she loves you?"

How does it feel really? Honestly, I have already forgotten how it was... not that I wanted to recall nor do I want to feel it again. I am not looking and I am not wanting... and I am not in denial!

"It seems so unfair when there's love everywhere but there's none for me"

So goes the song... pathetic isn't it?

That's one feeling I am very much aware of.

I am not really going to write anything here, nor throw any rants or whines. Just want to post this song of Rod Stewart here... you guessed it... Some Guys Have All The Luck








and some really ain't got none...

which one are you?

Could've been... Would've been...

if only things weren't as they are now
if only yesterday didn't go the way it did
if only there was a chance to turn back time
we could've been together still

it really didn't end the way we wanted to
at times I'd find myself longing for you
thinking of the happiness it would bring
and the love that it would've been

and separate lives we both have now
we can look back, and yet we have to move on
maybe we'd wish, but we can only sigh
of what could've been and would've been

--------------------------------------
Roy
October 17, 2010
1:43 PM
Angeles City
Philippines

Gray hairs

The first time I looked
you weren't even there
Then a strand sprouted
and I didn't even care
out came another strand or two
and people began to noticed you
your numbers increased
and prominent you became
but just like before
I really didn't care
That's why when asked by a barber
if I wanted to dye
I looked at him and said
"Why should I?"
So you were left on your own
like you were really at home
Now, the last time I looked
you were everywhere!
but just like before
I really do not care.

---------------------------
Roy
September 22, 2010
12:30 AM
Angeles City
Philippines

One step closer

Taking one step closer
I am
One step closer
too big at that!
Trying to embrace
a wide-trunk tree
I may fail
I may fall
so be it
But it won't stop me
taking one step closer
One step closer
to my dreams

----------------------
Roy
February 9, 1995
12:05 noon
Angeles City
Philippines

Halloween parties

With the first half of the year finish, and we are now on the second half, talks of the upcoming holidays and celebrations are in the air - fiesta, Christmas and of course, the Halloween. Although not really a popular celebration here in the country, there are some subdivisions that do observe this festivity. Kids coming out in costumes and knocking at every door looking for sweet treats. Some houses are even throwing away parties where friends come in different costumes. A lot of people like to dress up and live out their fantasies.

Vampires, zombies, animals and even superheroes costumes, complete with gadgets and accessories to make them standout in the crowd, because I believe most of the time, there is a best costume award in these parties. To make their play up character even more convincing, some even wear Halloween Contacts for full effect on their facial features. These contact lenses make them a scarier vampire or a more convincing Catwoman - fiesty, red or shining, if needed be.

I haven't been into any of these Halloween costume party, I just see them on TV, newspaper and magazines and on the Internet, but they sure look like fun. Would love to attend to one these parties one these days. I just hope there aren't any real vampires pretending to be just one party-goer.

Too big for my dreams

I am too big for my dreams
And it ain’t just wishful thinking
Too big for my dreams
Soon you’ll hear my name being screamed

When you thought that I was down
And expected me to be out
Guess again, but I ain’t
I'm not going to give up just like that

Watch me as I spread my wings
See me soar and conquer the winds
Slowly now, I’m reaching for my dreams
Without fear of horizons unforeseen

You thought you’ve seen the end?
Guess what? You ain’t seen nothing yet
Hear me shout… hear me scream
Cause I am just too big for my dreams

I AM COLOSSAL!

---------------------------------------
Roy
August 13, 2010
6:12 pm
Angeles City
Philippines

*reply to the poetry challenge submitted by Ricardo Legaspi – “Colossal”

Missed connection

I could have been made by now
If only I knew how to play the game
I could have been on top
If only I remembered names
The people that mattered
Who could have made a difference
And get me to succeed faster
If I weren’t just too naive

-----------------------------------------
Roy
August 13, 2010
11:30 pm
Angeles  City
Philippines


*reply to the poetry challenge submitted by Manuel Villoria – “missed connection”

Library Stairs

Twenty five years seem just yesterday
When we were still then in our teens
Always looking forward to be together
On that library stairs

Beautiful memories were painted
Where our friendship grew and bonded
Noisy bunch we were, we even get reprimanded
On that library stairs

Heart pains, as well as joys
Secrets shared and kept sacred
Laughter, tears, cries and sighs
All on that library stairs

Miles apart now, yet nothing's change
The same friendship we had then
Is still the same friendship we have now
A friendship built on that library stairs

-------------------------------------
Roy
August 12, 2010
9:26 pm
Angeles City
Philippines


*reply to the poetry challenge "Library Stairs" by Erin Acquiat Hugdunn

I am not orange

I am not orange
I am blue
Ever since the day
I start living without you

I am not orange
I am gray
Dull and lousy
Since you went away

I am not orange
For my world is black
Dark and lonely
Without even a tiny spark

What good are colors?
They don't even matter
Everything's just the same
Like my life so lame

I don't see rainbows
I don't see no hues
Everything is lonely
Now that I'm without you

--------------------------
Roy
August 12, 2010
10:44 pm
Angeles City
Philippines


*reply to the poetry challenge by Arnel Guiterrez - "orange"

Do you know where your children are?

You thought they are safe
After all, it’s only the web
But if you really care
Listen please and listen well

It is not just the web
Where information can be found
It is also a scary place
Where vultures and predators abound

You can’t be too careful
You can’t really be safe
So please talk to your children
And tell them to beware

It is not being nosy
To see where they’ve been
Who were they talking to
And what were they saying

Because just like anything else
Communication is the key
Tell your children to be wary
For their own safety

Do you know where your children are?

-------------------------------------
Roy
August 9, 2010
11:26 pm
Angeles City
Philippines


*reply to the “Challenge me to poetry” submission by Sonnie Santos with the subject “web safety”

Don’t grow up so fast, my son

It all seems to be only just yesterday
When you were but a tiny tot
And now, just look at you!
You’ve grown into a fine young lad

I still remember those nine months
When you were still inside my womb
We would feel what the other would feel
Cause we were just but one

Who would have thought in a blink of an eye?
Ten years could pass us just like that
As unsound as it may seem to be
Why do I feel you’ll be out of my arms soon?

Don’t grow up so fast my son, please don’t
How I wish I have the power to stop time
So I can always have you all for mine
And forever hold you in my arms

But my love will not stop you explore
To go and seek what life has in store
Let you spread your wings and fly to your dreams
While I will be the wind beneath your wings

But what am I saying?! That is still too far!
You just turned ten, and still in my arms
I’ll savor this moment, and hug you some more
Kiss you and say, “Happy birthday to the son I adore!”

------------------------------------------------------------------
Roy
August 7, 2010
6:05 pm
Angeles City
Philippines


*reply to the poetry challenge submission by batchmate Girlie about a mother’s love. Her son is celebrating her 10th birthday this month.

Queen of the night

As she walked in, the music seemed to stop
All eyes were upon her, as she gracefully stride
Men were all too bewildered, as if in trance
For they’ve never been in the presence of such sophistication
While the women were either jealous or threatened
Like animals whose territory is being encroached

While everybody stared, nobody dared
To make a move or even said a word
Not a single man dared walk to be near her beauty
Nor any woman was tough enough to confront her intrusion
Their silence was all in unison
And so are their stares

But alas! There emerged a soul from the crowd
To the surprise of all, it was Johnny, the bullies’ favorite lad
Confidently he walked in his rhythmic pace
‘Til he got near the beauty that mesmerized everybody
He bent forward, as if kissing her, but only to whisper
So the surprised crowd didn’t hear what he has to say…

“Mom, why are you here in my prom?”

------------------------------------------------------
Roy
August 6, 2010
12:25 am
Angeles City
Philippines

*a reply to the poetry challenge for the word "cougar" submitted by Jan Geronimo

I will write it all down

I will write it all down
Until it bleeds
I will write it all down
Until the bleeding stops

I will write it all down
I will write in rhymes
I will write it all down
And rhymes it may not

From sunrise to sundown
From beginning to end
How it all started with bliss
And how it ended in pain

I will write it in lines
I will write it in verses
Until you realize
That I actually make sense

I will write it all down
That’s what I will do
Writing it all down
‘til I get through to you

---------------------------------
Roy
July 25, 2010
11:57 am
Angeles City
Philippines

Because I need to breathe...

I never found myself
surrounded by so much smoke
the one the comes from a stick
that comes with the faintest light
I used to walk away
or just pretend I don't care
but now I inhale it all
straight from the stick with the faintest light
and while immersed in this curtains
I can breathe and think as well
I can write as I fill the air
with nicotine and a very bad smell
but because I need to breathe
and I need to be relaxed
the very thing that I despise
has kept me company on those late nights

-----------------------------------------
Roy
July 24, 2010
6:48 am
Angeles City
Philippines

*written online, as is

I am not a poet

I am not a poet
I am poetry

verses flow through me
like blood flows through my veins
I hold not
I keep not
no matter
how hard I try
emotions burst into verses

it doesn't matter
how nonsensical they may be
they flow out because
they have a life of their own

poetry lives through me
I am not a poet
I am poetry

---------------------------
Roy
July 18, 2010
8:57 am
Angeles City
Philippines

One-word poetry: Zombie

walking
lifeless

direction
lost

zest
none

purpose
without

existence
pathetic

zombie

----------------------------
Roy
July 12, 2010
7:41 am
Angeles City
Philippines

I am...

I am a poet.
I express my thoughts in lines and verses.
My aim has always been to express and not to impress
I write not what others want to see, hear, or read
I write because it's what I want to say...
based on my present state of mind
my present state of being.

I am me
I never meant to please
nor do intend to despise or disappoint
I do not need that carpet rolled out
but please, spare me the tomatoes

It doesn't get any simpler, really
you can always look away
when what you're reading isn't a pleasure
there's better literature out there
much better

because when you're here
you can't expect anything but emotions
outpouring

it's what I am... it's what I do
it's how I existed

pouring out my thoughts and feelings
happiness... sadness... frustrations
and a lot of wishful thinking

but in whatever mood they may be
they are always sincere

this is me
this is what I am

---------------------------------------
Roy
July 4, 2010
8:57 a.m.
*written online... as is*

Vulnerable

toughness at the front
an immovable facade
no spear nor bullet can pass through
no emotions
no compassion
no chance

but one single arrow
can pierce through and open up
a locked fortress and exposing
the most vulnerable part

-------------------------------
Roy
June 21, 2010
8:44 PM
Angeles City
Philippines

There are no fruits on the table

"We used to have fruits almost everyday"

Those were the words of my daughter, Angel as we were talking about the happy days when their mother was still with us.

And she was right, when my wife was still alive, she would often buy fruits for the kids. To think that the market was really out of her way and going straight home was easier.

Still, she didn't mind the extra trip just to be able to bring home some fruits.

Unfortunately, it is one thing that I neglect to do.

I do not buy fruits for the kids. While Angel's words were harmless and not in any way meant to put me down, it dawned upon me that I just cannot replace the love, caring and thoughtfulness that my wife has shown us.

The "fruits on the table" could be just a representation... just a surface... when you scratch it... when you look beyond it... it could also mean that there is really no substitute for a mother's love.

I could have remembered the fruits, I could have done more.

But I failed... I failed the "fruit" test.

But a drop of water

I am but a drop of water
That falls into the sea
There to join other droplets
To remain forever be
Just a drop of water
Unnoticed and unseen

I am but a drop of water
In a great vast sea
Along with other droplets
And there remain to be
Just a drop of water
In a great vast sea

I am but a drop of water
Along with millions droplets like me,
To make a great vast sea
But without these but drops of water
The sea will never be
The great sea that it is

---------------------------
Roy
July 29, 1990
Angeles City
Philippines

one-word poetry: anxiety

anxious
unsure
self-doubt
retreat?

forego
opportunity
coward
childish

push
wanting
encouragement
assurance

breathe
forward
anxiety
conquer

-----------------------------
Roy
April 24, 2010
12:20 AM
Angeles City
Philippines

*one-word poetry

Jack and his basement

"Daaad!!! Come here quick!" Jonathan yelled, calling his father to come to him to their basement.

Jack came rushing thinking that something bad must have happened to his son, his wife followed him too. "What is it, son?" asked Jack worriedly, "...and where did all these water came from?!"

"That is why I called you, Dad. It's flooding in here, and it's not even raining!" Jonathan replied.

"I don't think it's coming from the outside, Jack" Bernadette, Jack's wife said. "It's coming from under the house."

Jack looked around and it seems that his wife is right. It's not raining outside, in fact it's even hot and dry. He hurriedly checked if there are any open faucet and found none.

"I remember," Jack said, "the renovators have warned us the creek nearby. They said it might 'go to us' although I didn't mean what they said then. So, this is what they meant. But how could that be?"

"Well," Bernadette replied, "if you have listened to them and called the Basement waterproofing company they recommended, this wouldn't have happened."

"It's too late for blaming now, Hon. Why don't try to find number they gave us so I can give them a call now. At least, we could prevent this from happening again," Jack told his wife.

Facing his son, he said, "in the meantime son, let us dry to clean up all these mess here, remove the water if we can so we can find the spot where it's all coming from, shall we?"

"But, isn't this a Dad thing?" Jonathan protested.

"Well, you'll be a Dad soon anyway, so you can start now."

I don't do valentines

I can tolerate other holidays... but valentine? Never! And I have a reason to do so. If there is a Mr. Scrooge of valentine, I could fit the role.

But it doesn't mean I would frown against others celebrating this mushiest occasion of the year, nor would I "humbag" back at those who would attempt to greet me. I've been there, I understand.

It's just it is a different day for me now, and in the years to come.

I don't do valentines... and never will.

WOOF Writing Contest Winners - January 29, 2010

WOOF Contest – Top Picks

Poetry

Zorlone – “Blank Stares” – A plea to finally be released, from a bond of days of suffering.

Dragon Blogger – “Passion Unholy” – Poem about passion.

Roy – “Do You Love Him?” – A short poem about missing communication with someone.

Short Story

sam balilo – “envy” – A very short story about envy.

Memoir

Jena Isle – “A Journey and an Awakening” – What would be more rewarding in life?

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

(WOOF participants should re-post all the links above by next Monday. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Presenting the finest of the writer’s blogs by the bloggers who write them. Highlighting the top posts as chosen by the January 29, 2010 WOOF Contest participants. Want in to join the next WOOF? The next contest ends January 29. Submit a link to your best writing post of the last 3 weeks using the form on this page. Participants, repost the winning link list within a week and you’re all set.

Other Contest Entrants for 1/29/10

About Writing

Roy – “I want to write” - The desire to write... but there are more important matters to attend to.

Poetry

Roy – “Abandoned” – Feeling alone...

A bad stiff neck

Slowed down, once again. I thought I could make use of this Sunday to catch up on all my writing backlogs. But this nagging stiff neck has halted whatever productivity I have envisioned for this day.

Never thought that stiff necks could be this painful. I cannot move an inch becaue the pain sometimes seem to be intolerable.

I tried to think of any remedy, but sadly I can't think of any. The best I can do is to take pain reliever. Which I did, unfortunately, it didn't work.

I know, I am lucky that I am still able to write now. I am writing so carefully, right now. I can't make big moves. It's painful.

WOOF Contest Winners - January 22, 2010

WOOF Contest – Top Picks

Poetry

Dragon Blogger – “Nightshade” - Poem about being alone at night.

Memoirs / Creative Writing

JHS – “Motivated to Protect” - The conclusion of a three-part story about a doomed relationship that changed my life and established my career path.

Fiction

Jenn – “Opportunity” - The first installment of a short story about a woman pressed into helping her sister deal with an abusive relationship.

Roy – “The Struggling Blogger versus The Struggling Blogger” - My blogs come to life!

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

(WOOF participants should re-post all the links above by next Monday. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Presenting the finest of the writer’s blogs by the bloggers who write them. Highlighting the top posts as chosen by the January 22, 2009 WOOF Contest participants. Want in to join the next WOOF? The next contest ends January 29. Submit a link to your best writing post of the last 3 weeks using the form on this page. Participants, repost the winning link list within a week and you’re all set.

Other Contest Entrants for 1/22/10

Poetry

Roy – “Houdini” - A short poem about wanting to escape.

Dragon Blogger – “Carcass” – Poem about Lions and Vultures fighting over a carcass.

Thank you, Jhong!

Because I was busy nursing a childish depression and a nagging anxiety attack lately, I forgot to write a post to thank a fellow blogger who helped me in this blog.

I always believe in the saying “give unto Caesar’s…’

Take a look at my header. I’m just loving it! It’s exactly how wanted it to be.

It was designed personally for me by blogging buddy Jhong Medina. He is always ready to help friends to who seriously need help in their logo, avatar, header, entrecard widget, and what-have-you.

No wonder he was blessed so much last year, and I’m sure he will be blessed as much this year too, because he always gives back.

Again, thank you so much Jhong for my beautiful blog header which I can truly claim my own.

Abandoned

they were there
you were strong
they got your back
you know you can go on
conflicts...
choices were made
they stepped back
obviously you see
you're not the choice
and now you find
you are alone
abandoned

can you still go on?
-----------------
Roy
January 23, 2010
10:20 AM
Angeles City
Philippines

Do You Love Him?

Do you love him?
I wanted to ask
Do I even have the right?
I just noticed the change in you
Since you’ve met this friend of mine
Late night conversations that used to be me
Are now but silence
Not a shadow of what used to be
Choices are made
You made yours
No words need be spoken
I can read between the lines
I can always step back
And pretend it didn’t start
--------------------------
Roy
January 22, 2010
12:31 AM
Angeles City
Philippines

Houdini

How I wish I could be Houdini
So I can make my escape
From all the confusion that surrounds me
That brought me in this state
But unlike the great illusionist
I wouldn’t want to be found
I care not for the applause
I just want to be forever… gone

-------------------------------------
Roy
January 19, 2010
9:03 PM
Angeles City
Philippines

WOOF Contest winners for January 15, 2010

WOOF Contest – Top Picks

Poetry

Jena Isle – “This Life” – A retrospective poem.

Roy – “Retreat...” - Acceptance of truth... of defeat.

Dragon Blogger – “Extinguisher of Truth” - Sci-Fi poem about someone learning that a garden of flowers were fed with human blood.

Zorlone – “Fountain of Youth – Stories told us about a legendary fountain of youth that Ponce de Leon searched and found in America.

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

(WOOF participants should re-post all the links above by next Monday. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Presenting the finest of the writer’s blogs by the bloggers who write them. Highlighting the top posts as chosen by the January 15, 2009 WOOF Contest participants. Want in to join the next WOOF? The next contest ends January 22. Submit a link to your best writing post of the last 3 weeks using the form on this page. Participants, repost the winning link list within a week and you’re all set.

Other Contest Entrants for 1/15/10

Poetry

William Manson – “She started young” - A poem tackling the issues of Child prostitution.

Roy – “Forever, my baby you will be” - A poem for my daughter's birthday.

dragon blogger – “Rising Earth” – Poem about a volcano being active.

Non-Fiction

Justin Germino – “Home Burglary: What would you do?” - A friend of mine came home to find someone robbing his home, what would you do in this situation?

Will I be missed?

I have asked myself that question one time too many. Should I be gone, I mean, never to come back again... will I be missed?

Surely my kids will do, and perhaps a few people with whom I have debts will be missing me. Otherwise, I can't think of anyone, nor any reason for me to be missed.

Because aside from some lousy one-liners which make me a pathetic excuse for a has-been-that-was-actually wannabe stand-up comedian, and some double-meaning rhetoric which confuse even literary geniuses, I can't really think of any substantial contribution to society - online and offline.

Four decades of seemingly insignificant existence does not really make a person interesting, does it? So, why should I even ask such question?

And another thing... why should I even care? I won't even be there to know it.

Retreat

so I, the gallant one, moved forward
metal breasted, armored and all
I thought I could conquer
I thought I could win
but, alas!
seems I no longer have it in me
age? war torn?
or plain mediocrity?
an illusion played
a pretentious chivalry

and I, unrobed
revealing vulnerability
bursting the bubble
of pretended gallantry

to lessen the hurt
of perceivable defeat
one option remains
if only to maintain sanity

-------------------------------
Roy
January 14, 2010
8:45 PM
Angeles City
Philippines